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Thread: Wives and the Stupid $#@! They Say/Do

  1. #1
    Faux Aggy hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew's Avatar
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    Wives and the Stupid $#@! They Say/Do

    OK. I've been putting this off for a while but the time has come for such a thread to be dedicated to the inane comments, actions and general bull$#@! committed by the female of the species. Girlfriend stories are welcome but more weight shall be given to offenses committed by wives as girlfriends are generally still fun.

    I humbly submit the following:

    This morning, my wife gets out of bed at 5am to let the dogs out. Her alarm goes off at 4:45 every morning. She yells from downstairs that I need to come look at something wrong with one of the dogs. I'm picturing that one of them got hung up in their crate or one had chewed the other one's foot off.

    Her: "He has some bumps near his 'thing'. It just isn't right".
    Me: after grabbing the dog. "Those are his tits".
    Her: "No, their tits are on their chest, not down there".
    Me: "Uh, no".

    This might have been a mildly entertaining conversation at any other time of day than 5 in the morning.

  • #2
    Well, my wife is a coupon freak. And, she lets me know each and every coupon she's ever used or intends to use along with how much she'll save. Seriously, half the things she says during a given day relate to coupons. She also buys a lot of crap we don't need because she's found a coupon or a 10% off printout on-line.

    I was trying to explain to her the other day something that I had read in a physics book that was really cool. She kept ignoring me. Finally, I said "what's your deal? This is really cool." Her reply. You don't listen to me when I'm talking about coupons and coupons are more important.

    Still, I'd take her over a married female friend of mine that posted the following on Facebook: "I'm already sick of football." /shiver

  • #3
    Oh, and don't even get me started on the (now) 3 1/2 year argument we continue to have over what an acceptable response is to for our son when being pushed or picked on. She wants the boy to politely ask the other kid to not push him. If he continues, to walk away. Now, I'm not advocating a UFC match on a playground. I just don't think she understands boys very well as she was raised with her sister by her mother.

  • #4
    asshat longhrnfan grows his own roses longhrnfan grows his own roses longhrnfan grows his own roses longhrnfan grows his own roses longhrnfan grows his own roses longhrnfan grows his own roses longhrnfan grows his own roses longhrnfan grows his own roses longhrnfan grows his own roses longhrnfan grows his own roses longhrnfan grows his own roses longhrnfan's Avatar
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    in before classics.

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  • #6
    asshat texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by longhrnfan View Post
    in before classics.
    1234

  • #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by hullabelew View Post
    OK. I've been putting this off for a while but the time has come for such a thread to be dedicated to the inane comments, actions and general bull$#@! committed by the female of the species.
    You're gonna need an entire separate internet for that, not just a thread.

  • #8
    asshat Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday's Avatar
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    Hey LL, what has your wife done recently that is inane, or general bull$#@!?


  • #9
    Jerkass next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by knoxtnhorn View Post
    Oh, and don't even get me started on the (now) 3 1/2 year argument we continue to have over what an acceptable response is to for our son when being pushed or picked on. She wants the boy to politely ask the other kid to not push him. If he continues, to walk away. Now, I'm not advocating a UFC match on a playground. I just don't think she understands boys very well as she was raised with her sister by her mother.
    he needs to smack the other kid full on in the face. Even if he gets beat up he will learn something and the pushing will stop

  • #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Doc Holliday View Post
    Hey LL, what has your wife done recently that is inane, or general bull$#@!?

    agreed, this thread will not be complete until LL sounds off. we want transparency dammit.

  • #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by knoxtnhorn View Post
    Oh, and don't even get me started on the (now) 3 1/2 year argument we continue to have over what an acceptable response is to for our son when being pushed or picked on. She wants the boy to politely ask the other kid to not push him. If he continues, to walk away. Now, I'm not advocating a UFC match on a playground. I just don't think she understands boys very well as she was raised with her sister by her mother.
    I got lucky here. My wife understand how things should be handled with boys.

    My 2-year-old son has gotten in huge trouble for hitting a girl, throwing rocks at somebody, and instigating a physical confrontation.

    Then I hear one day after work that he was at the playground minding his own business when another 2-year-old didn't like the fact he was using a slide that the other kid wanted to use, so the other kid pushed him. My boy two-hand shoved him in the chest and knocked the kid down and the other kid of course started crying. I asked my wife at this point what she did about it and she said "Nothing; the other kid started it."

    Exactly.

  • #12
    dipshit SouthernBell names their bicycles. All three of them. SouthernBell names their bicycles. All three of them. SouthernBell names their bicycles. All three of them. SouthernBell names their bicycles. All three of them. SouthernBell names their bicycles. All three of them. SouthernBell names their bicycles. All three of them. SouthernBell names their bicycles. All three of them. SouthernBell names their bicycles. All three of them. SouthernBell names their bicycles. All three of them. SouthernBell names their bicycles. All three of them. SouthernBell names their bicycles. All three of them. SouthernBell's Avatar
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    As they say, men are from Mars and women are from Venus!
    I wouldn't like being awakened at that time of morning unless it was an emergency, so I'm with you there. Was she doing it to be irritating or did she really think something was seriously wrong?
    Knoxtnhorn, there can only be so much conversation over coupons, though you should be proud of her for trying to save money.
    All of this makes for great comedy for both sexes. We say the same stuff about men.
    Your women are very beautiful,... they are your avatars right?

  • #13
    asshat TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR's Avatar
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    I don't see this ending well.

  • #14
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    Woke up for work at 7 AM per the norm. Went to the bathroom and then to the kitchen. Wife was slaving over the stove to make breakfast. Her face was red, and she was a little sweaty. I said "Good morning. You look hot." to which she replied "Aw, you're sweet. Thank you." Now, for whatever reason, my brain was not still functioning at 7 AM because I said "I didn't mean it like that dumbass. You haven't even put on makeup."

    I didn't get any bacon.

  • #15
    at least none of our wives post on shaggy...wait, wut?

  • #16
    asshat texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006 is a rep whore. texdude2006's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spankytoes View Post
    Woke up for work at 7 AM per the norm. Went to the bathroom and then to the kitchen. Wife was slaving over the stove to make breakfast. Her face was red, and she was a little sweaty. I said "Good morning. You look hot." to which she replied "Aw, you're sweet. Thank you." Now, for whatever reason, my brain was not still functioning at 7 AM because I said "I didn't mean it like that dumbass. You haven't even put on makeup."

    I didn't get any bacon.
    This does not fit the thread theme. It's not stupid $#@! YOU said.

  • #17
    I have been married now one week and 3 days. I expect to put out my first full length novel next month on this subject. Let see. I am going to go with this one.
    Wife: Will you please go and check that the closet light is off.
    Me: I can see that it is off because there is no light coming under the door.
    Wife: Are you sure that it is off I don't want it getting too hot.
    Me: I am sure.
    Wife: go open the door and make sure.
    Me: No
    Wife: go open the door
    Me: No
    Wife: no sex for you
    Me: damnit (still not getting up)
    Wife: I am serious.
    Me: (snoring)
    Wife: (hits me inadverdantly in the junk or at least I hope so)
    Me: Well now I am sure as hell not getting up and checking the light because I can't walk.
    Wife: Fine
    Me: (In head I win)
    Wife: if you don't get up I will hit you in the balls on purpose this time
    Me: Damnit

  • #18
    asshat TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ranger_Red View Post
    I have been married now one week and 3 days. I expect to put out my first full length novel next month on this subject. Let see. I am going to go with this one.
    Wife: Will you please go and check that the closet light is off.
    Me: I can see that it is off because there is no light coming under the door.
    Wife: Are you sure that it is off I don't want it getting too hot.
    Me: I am sure.
    Wife: go open the door and make sure.
    Me: No
    Wife: go open the door
    Me: No
    Wife: no sex for you
    Me: damnit (still not getting up)
    Wife: I am serious.
    Me: (snoring)
    Wife: (hits me inadverdantly in the junk or at least I hope so)
    Me: Well now I am sure as hell not getting up and checking the light because I can't walk.
    Wife: Fine
    Me: (In head I win)
    Wife: if you don't get up I will hit you in the balls on purpose this time
    Me: Damnit
    You definitely need to leave her a strongly-worded note.

  • #19
    asshat Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic's Avatar
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    my wife never says or does any stupid $#@!

  • #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Traffic View Post
    my wife never says or does any stupid $#@!
    Then your not really married, or she posts/lurks here.

  • #21
    asshat pray4mojo slams and goes hard. pray4mojo slams and goes hard. pray4mojo slams and goes hard. pray4mojo slams and goes hard. pray4mojo slams and goes hard. pray4mojo slams and goes hard. pray4mojo slams and goes hard. pray4mojo slams and goes hard. pray4mojo slams and goes hard. pray4mojo slams and goes hard. pray4mojo slams and goes hard. pray4mojo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dw View Post
    Looks like you done $#@!ed up.
    consequences will never be the same. no, seriously...that $#@! doesn't fly.

  • #22
    asshat fawnknutsen has a gigantic e-peen. fawnknutsen has a gigantic e-peen. fawnknutsen has a gigantic e-peen. fawnknutsen has a gigantic e-peen. fawnknutsen has a gigantic e-peen. fawnknutsen has a gigantic e-peen. fawnknutsen has a gigantic e-peen. fawnknutsen has a gigantic e-peen. fawnknutsen has a gigantic e-peen. fawnknutsen has a gigantic e-peen. fawnknutsen has a gigantic e-peen. fawnknutsen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ranger_Red View Post
    I have been married now one week and 3 days. I expect to put out my first full length novel next month on this subject. Let see. I am going to go with this one.
    Wife: Will you please go and check that the closet light is off.
    Me: I can see that it is off because there is no light coming under the door.
    Wife: Are you sure that it is off I don't want it getting too hot.
    I'm still struggling to understand this part. Wut?

  • #23
    asshat Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday has a gigantic e-peen. Doc Holliday's Avatar
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    ranger red does NOT wear the pants in that family.

  • #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by texdude2006 View Post
    This does not fit the thread theme. It's not stupid $#@! YOU said.
    Shades of gray. In hindsight, I should not have acknowledged her misinterpretation of my intent. But how someone sweating buckets with their face in a frying pan could interpret "hot" to mean anything beyond temperature in that situation is beyond me.

  • #25
    Quote Originally Posted by fawnknutsen View Post
    I'm still struggling to understand this part. Wut?
    That would be the stupid thing she said part. I just threw in the rest for comic relief.

  • #26
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    A few more ground rules before I participate:

    1. Let's remove girlfriends entirely from this thread. Even fiances. You guys are in the minor leagues, t-ball in some cases. This should be about wives only.
    2. Let's not bring up too much about "stupid $#@! they do" in the context of motherhood. They should get a pass for that just like we do in the course of fatherhood. Really stupid $#@!, when kids are involved, isn't necessarily funny, it could be a misdemeanor.
    3. And you may want to double-check that is wasn't something stupid you did first that prompted her comments/behavior.

    That said, I've got a few...

  • #27
    Jerkass next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus has a gigantic e-peen. next2naus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Traffic View Post
    my wife never says or does any stupid $#@!
    so your wife reads the Shaggy huh?

  • #28
    asshat Snow Dog might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Snow Dog might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Snow Dog might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Snow Dog might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Snow Dog might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Snow Dog might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Snow Dog might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Snow Dog might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Snow Dog might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Snow Dog might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Snow Dog might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Snow Dog's Avatar
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    Me: Your car needs the oil changed, you need to take it in. Do NOT let them do anything else to it besides changing the oil. (This, after she had previously spent $50 on a goddamn $5 cabin air filter.)
    Her: OK
    Her: (Calling me from the shop.) They recommended flushing the radiator. It's $75.
    Me: What did I say? Do NOT LET THEM DO ANYTHING ELSE.
    Her: OK


    Later that night...
    Me: So how much did they charge?
    Her:They flushed the transmission and "cleaned" it. It was $250.

    Me:




    I finally bought jack stands so I can get under her car and do it myself.

  • #29
    asshat Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ranger_Red View Post
    Then your not really married, or she posts/lurks here.
    Quote Originally Posted by next2naus View Post
    so your wife reads the Shaggy huh?
    yes.

  • #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by ranger_red View Post
    i have been married now one week and 3 days. I expect to put out my first full length novel next month on this subject. Let see. I am going to go with this one.
    Wife: Will you please go and check that the closet light is off.
    Me: I can see that it is off because there is no light coming under the door.
    Wife: Are you sure that it is off i don't want it getting too hot.
    Me: I am sure.
    Wife: Go open the door and make sure.
    Me: No
    wife: Go open the door
    me: No
    wife: No sex for you
    me: Damnit (still not getting up)
    wife: I am serious.
    Me: (snoring)
    wife: (hits me inadverdantly in the junk or at least i hope so)
    me: Well now i am sure as hell not getting up and checking the light because i can't walk.
    Wife: Fine
    me: (in head i win)
    wife: If you don't get up i will hit you in the balls on purpose this time
    me: damnit if i get up and the light is on, i will turn it off and apologize to you. If i get up and the light is already off like i know it is, i'm sticking it in your ass. Deal?
    fify

  • #31
    Red Five, what was it your father would say to your stepmom about clipping coupons? Haha.

    As far as that general vein goes, the wife will travel the entire length of the city to save $2 on diapers or some $#@!. While I appreciate and love where her head is on the saving money part, shes yet to grasp the concept of fuel expenditure, not to mention time as a valuable commodity.

  • #32
    asshat spankytoes Probably Shaggy upper class spankytoes Probably Shaggy upper class spankytoes Probably Shaggy upper class spankytoes Probably Shaggy upper class spankytoes Probably Shaggy upper class spankytoes Probably Shaggy upper class spankytoes Probably Shaggy upper class spankytoes Probably Shaggy upper class spankytoes Probably Shaggy upper class spankytoes Probably Shaggy upper class spankytoes Probably Shaggy upper class spankytoes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lowery21 View Post
    Red Five, what was it your father would say to your stepmom about clipping coupons? Haha.

    As far as that general vein goes, the wife will travel the entire length of the city to save $2 on diapers or some $#@!. While I appreciate and love where her head is on the saving money part, shes yet to grasp the concept of fuel expenditure, not to mention time as a valuable commodity.
    Amen to that. Wife once ran out of gas because it was $.07 more expensive per gallon where she was then it was by our house and she didn't want to feel cheated.

  • #33
    asshat MrPhlegm probably preboards planes MrPhlegm probably preboards planes MrPhlegm probably preboards planes MrPhlegm probably preboards planes MrPhlegm probably preboards planes MrPhlegm probably preboards planes MrPhlegm probably preboards planes MrPhlegm probably preboards planes MrPhlegm probably preboards planes MrPhlegm probably preboards planes MrPhlegm probably preboards planes MrPhlegm's Avatar
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    is u trying to start a new sororoity thred?

  • #34
    Duke of New York (Exiled) Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97's Avatar
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    I started a thread on stupidist spouse fight a few months back, but probably time for a new one.

    My new entry from this weekend:

    We live in a 700 sq ft apt right now, but moving into a 1600 sq ft one at the end of September. We decided to get a dog now that we will finally have space and some outdoor space. My wife has always wanted a Great Dane, so we are getting one. We found a 4 month old Great Dane/Terrier mix at a kill shelter in Georgia that a local (NYC) adpotion group was trying to find a home for. We applied. So far, so good. They tell us that we'll need to take the dog in 2-3 weeks.

    Obviously, we will still be in our small apt. Not the end of the world, it is temporary. So we decide we are going to have to make some more space in our living room. We are going to remove the chair and ottomon. I suggest we also rmove the bookshelf that currently is behind our sofa and push the sofa up against the wall My wife says no, let's move the shaze (sp?) part of the sofa. Now, but move, we mean put in our garage until we move. And our garage in about 10 blocks from our apartment and we have a Mazda 3 and no access to a truck. So the conversation goes like this:

    Me: "I don't think we can get the shaze into the car. Let's move the bookshelf."
    Her: "The bookshelf and all the books are too heavy. We should move the shaze."
    Me: "I don't disagree that they are heavier, but we can't move the shaze unless we carry it all the way, and I really have no desire to do that, especially in this heat."
    Her: "FINE. WE'LL MOVE THE HEAVY BOOKS AND BOOKSHELF INSTEAD OF MOVING THE LIGHT SHAZE."
    Me: "Umm, ok."

    She's still mad at me. Note she never had any plan for moving the shaze, didn't dispute that it won't fit in the car and didn't even indicate that she thought we should carry it (which I know she wouldn't do, so maybe she thought I could con one of my friends to help.).

  • #35
    asshat TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR Definitely Shaggy upper class TOR's Avatar
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    I'm going to guess none of you are getting the buttsecks.

  • #36


    I don't have the patience for coupons but I wish I did.

  • #37
    Duke of New York (Exiled) Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ranger_Red View Post
    I have been married now one week and 3 days. I expect to put out my first full length novel next month on this subject. Let see. I am going to go with this one.
    Wife: Will you please go and check that the closet light is off.
    Me: I can see that it is off because there is no light coming under the door.
    Wife: Are you sure that it is off I don't want it getting too hot.
    Me: I am sure.
    Wife: go open the door and make sure.
    Me: No
    Wife: go open the door
    Me: No
    Wife: no sex for you
    Me: damnit (still not getting up)
    Wife: I am serious.
    Me: (snoring)
    Wife: (hits me inadverdantly in the junk or at least I hope so)
    Me: Well now I am sure as hell not getting up and checking the light because I can't walk.
    Wife: Fine
    Me: (In head I win)
    Wife: if you don't get up I will hit you in the balls on purpose this time
    Me: Damnit
    You know you still should be able to get an annullment at this point.

  • #38
    And Hellraiser, that would be "chaise".

  • #39
    Duke of New York (Exiled) Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ranger_Red View Post
    Then your not really married, or she posts/lurks here.
    Or she's a mute, invalid.

  • #40
    Duke of New York (Exiled) Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97 Shaggy Silver Club Hellraiser97's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Used2b View Post
    And Hellraiser, that would be "chaise".
    Thanks. I can barely spell my own name.

  • #41
    asshat NeverMarryAStripper Shaggy Gold Club NeverMarryAStripper Shaggy Gold Club NeverMarryAStripper Shaggy Gold Club NeverMarryAStripper Shaggy Gold Club NeverMarryAStripper Shaggy Gold Club NeverMarryAStripper Shaggy Gold Club NeverMarryAStripper Shaggy Gold Club NeverMarryAStripper Shaggy Gold Club NeverMarryAStripper Shaggy Gold Club NeverMarryAStripper Shaggy Gold Club NeverMarryAStripper Shaggy Gold Club NeverMarryAStripper's Avatar
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    Do exes qualify for this thread?

  • #42
    asshat jmatt is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? jmatt is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? jmatt is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? jmatt is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? jmatt is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? jmatt is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? jmatt is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? jmatt is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? jmatt is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? jmatt is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? jmatt is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? jmatt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snow Dog View Post
    I finally bought jack stands so she can get under her car and do it herself.
    It would have been funnier if you had written it that way...

    My wife is actually pretty good, except she asks me the same things over and over. She's very smart, and even more or less has pretty good common sense (for a woman).

    One example [Preface - I work out of the home, doing contract work for a friend's company, and email them my time every other Saturday or Sunday, depending on whether or not I have any work to do on Saturday]:

    She (Monday): Did you turn in your time sheet?
    Me [nicely]: I've been working for [name] since February, as you should know by now, time sheets go in every other Sunday. I just turned in last pay period's yesterday..
    She (Monday afternoon, while I'm trying to work): Did you turn in your time sheet?
    Me [nicely]: Yes, yesterday.
    She: Oh that's right, sorry.
    She (Tuesday morning, while I'm trying to work): Have you turned in your time?
    Me (was concentrating on my work): Huh?
    She: Did you turn in your time?
    Me [nicely]: Sunday night, remember?
    She: Oh.
    She (Wednesday at lunch): How much time do you have this week? Have you turned it in?
    Me: Doesn't go in until weekend after next.
    She: Oh. I thought you turned it in every day. How many hours do you have so far?
    Me [nicely]: I've worked for [name] since February, when do I add up and turn in my time?
    She: I thought you did it every day.
    Me [nicely]: No, when do I turn in my time?
    She: Friday?
    Me [nicely]: [sigh] Every two weeks, usually on Sunday sometime. You know that.
    She: Oh. How much do you have so far this week?
    Me [nicely]: I don't know, two hours?
    She: TWO HOURS! You're kidding!
    Me: Of course I'm kidding. I don't know, I don't add it up until time to tun it in (not spoken: even though I do know...).
    She, Wednesday night: How many hours today?
    Me: I don't know, 5 or 6.
    She [Thursday morning, while I'm on the phone with client..]: Can I ask you something?

    And on and on.... I understand the concern over my hours, since I've never done contract-type work like this before, but she seems to obsess over my turning in the time I've worked, even though I've never missed turning it in
    Last edited by jmatt; 08-10-2010 at 10:28 AM.

  • #43
    Quote Originally Posted by Hellraiser97 View Post
    I started a thread on stupidist spouse fight a few months back, but probably time for a new one.

    My new entry from this weekend:

    We live in a 700 sq ft apt right now, but moving into a 1600 sq ft one at the end of September. We decided to get a dog now that we will finally have space and some outdoor space. My wife has always wanted a Great Dane, so we are getting one. We found a 4 month old Great Dane/Terrier mix at a kill shelter in Georgia that a local (NYC) adpotion group was trying to find a home for. We applied. So far, so good. They tell us that we'll need to take the dog in 2-3 weeks.

    Obviously, we will still be in our small apt. Not the end of the world, it is temporary. So we decide we are going to have to make some more space in our living room. We are going to remove the chair and ottomon. I suggest we also rmove the bookshelf that currently is behind our sofa and push the sofa up against the wall My wife says no, let's move the shaze (sp?) part of the sofa. Now, but move, we mean put in our garage until we move. And our garage in about 10 blocks from our apartment and we have a Mazda 3 and no access to a truck. So the conversation goes like this:

    Me: "I don't think we can get the shaze into the car. Let's move the bookshelf."
    Her: "The bookshelf and all the books are too heavy. We should move the shaze."
    Me: "I don't disagree that they are heavier, but we can't move the shaze unless we carry it all the way, and I really have no desire to do that, especially in this heat."
    Her: "FINE. WE'LL MOVE THE HEAVY BOOKS AND BOOKSHELF INSTEAD OF MOVING THE LIGHT SHAZE."
    Me: "Umm, ok."

    She's still mad at me. Note she never had any plan for moving the shaze, didn't dispute that it won't fit in the car and didn't even indicate that she thought we should carry it (which I know she wouldn't do, so maybe she thought I could con one of my friends to help.).
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaise_longue

  • #44
    asshat Lerka Lerka Shaggy Gold Club Lerka Lerka Shaggy Gold Club Lerka Lerka Shaggy Gold Club Lerka Lerka Shaggy Gold Club Lerka Lerka Shaggy Gold Club Lerka Lerka Shaggy Gold Club Lerka Lerka Shaggy Gold Club Lerka Lerka Shaggy Gold Club Lerka Lerka Shaggy Gold Club Lerka Lerka Shaggy Gold Club Lerka Lerka Shaggy Gold Club Lerka Lerka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spankytoes View Post
    Woke up for work at 7 AM per the norm. Went to the bathroom and then to the kitchen. Wife was slaving over the stove to make breakfast. Her face was red, and she was a little sweaty. I said "Good morning. You look hot." to which she replied "Aw, you're sweet. Thank you." Now, for whatever reason, my brain was not still functioning at 7 AM because I said "I didn't mean it like that dumbass. You haven't even put on makeup."

    I didn't get any bacon.
    Shower or toilet?

  • #45
    This one time I was looking forward to using our accumulated Chase card reward points to go on a vacation, only to discover that the wife blew all the points on an expensive dress that she will only wear once.

  • #46
    Quote Originally Posted by Hellraiser97 View Post
    Thanks. I can barely spell my own name.
    Ah yes Hellraiser, you've experienced the internal dialog fight. She had a plan for how to move it, and she probably talked to 10 different people about how she was going to move it. You were either A) supposed to divine the knowledge from her head, or B) "I told you last week."/false.

  • #47
    asshat MNLonghorn10 Probably Shaggy upper class MNLonghorn10 Probably Shaggy upper class MNLonghorn10 Probably Shaggy upper class MNLonghorn10 Probably Shaggy upper class MNLonghorn10 Probably Shaggy upper class MNLonghorn10 Probably Shaggy upper class MNLonghorn10 Probably Shaggy upper class MNLonghorn10 Probably Shaggy upper class MNLonghorn10 Probably Shaggy upper class MNLonghorn10 Probably Shaggy upper class MNLonghorn10 Probably Shaggy upper class MNLonghorn10's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hellraiser97 View Post
    Thanks. I can barely spell my own name.
    i still cant

  • #48
    asshat Buffsoldier Shaggy Gold Club Buffsoldier Shaggy Gold Club Buffsoldier Shaggy Gold Club Buffsoldier Shaggy Gold Club Buffsoldier Shaggy Gold Club Buffsoldier Shaggy Gold Club Buffsoldier Shaggy Gold Club Buffsoldier Shaggy Gold Club Buffsoldier Shaggy Gold Club Buffsoldier Shaggy Gold Club Buffsoldier Shaggy Gold Club Buffsoldier's Avatar
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    Married just short of 5 months. So far:

    Chronic:

    Me: *Watching TV happily, either TUF or How the Earth Was Made or a new Futurama episode (and concentrating on the show in question)*
    Her: (about 7 minutes into the show) "Oh, I did this today and saw that on sale at the store and this and that and blah blah blah"
    Me: *grimacing*

    One time issues:

    1. We have giant lava rock landscaping rocks along the side of the driveway. I have a new Camaro. I remind my darling bride about the rocks several times before pulling into the driveway. What does she open the door into? *Grrrr*

    2. She's colonized half of the garage for use as her pottery studio. As this could bring in upwards of $2000/month, I'm o.k. with this part. I install (at significant expense) a curtain track and a heavy canvas curtain for her to pull while she's throwing. I walk out into the garage and there's spatters of mud all over the side of the aforementioned new Camaro. Irksome, but not a huge deal as it doesn't take much to take the car to the carwash and be done with it. I remind her twice of this wonderful curtain I've installed, and how it can be used to protect a car. After the second time, I go back into the house. I come back out 20 minutes later, and she says, playfully, "I got it, I wiped it off with my butt". What is potters clay? Water, some mud, and a bunch of little tiny $#@!ing rocks. When it spatters and dries, now it's just some dust and little tiny $#@!ing rocks. Oh, how happy I was to see the half dozen 3-6" long scratches in the black paint on my brand new Camaro.

  • #49
    Its your fault for putting rocks along your driveway. Just asking for trouble.

  • #50
    asshat HenryJames Definitely Shaggy upper class HenryJames Definitely Shaggy upper class HenryJames Definitely Shaggy upper class HenryJames Definitely Shaggy upper class HenryJames Definitely Shaggy upper class HenryJames Definitely Shaggy upper class HenryJames Definitely Shaggy upper class HenryJames Definitely Shaggy upper class HenryJames Definitely Shaggy upper class HenryJames Definitely Shaggy upper class HenryJames Definitely Shaggy upper class HenryJames's Avatar
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    It's your fault for driving a Camaro.

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