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Thread: Wives and the Stupid $#@! They Say/Do

  1. #301
    asshat Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Traffic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GraciePie View Post
    Yeah, that just sounds like Traffic being an $#@!.
    Hi. Have we met?

  • #302
    Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

  • #303
    asshat Montag Shaggy Gold Club Montag Shaggy Gold Club Montag Shaggy Gold Club Montag Shaggy Gold Club Montag Shaggy Gold Club Montag Shaggy Gold Club Montag Shaggy Gold Club Montag Shaggy Gold Club Montag Shaggy Gold Club Montag Shaggy Gold Club Montag Shaggy Gold Club Montag's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RamjetFDO View Post
    Location: living room
    Time: late last night

    Wife (mildly panicked): I can't find my iPhone!
    Me (knowing it's probably between sofa pillows where she was just sitting not 30 seconds ago): Why don't you just call it from the house phone?
    Wife: (picks up phone and dials)
    iPhone: (lame ringtone)
    Wife (realizing iPhone is between sofa pillows where she was just sitting, hangs up house phone and picks up iPhone): Hey! I missed a call.
    Me: (TLJ look)
    Quote Originally Posted by BostonRC View Post
    The dog was starting to whine last night while we were eating dinner.

    French Toast: I think it's so cool that she can open her mouth and noises come out.
    Me: Does it amaze you when people talk?
    You gotta be $#@!tin me Pyle!

  • #304

    Wives and the Stupid $#@! They Say/Do

    Ramjet, that's the funniest thing I've read in days. Hahaha.

  • #305
    asshat creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GraciePie View Post
    Yeah, that just sounds like Traffic being an $#@!.

    Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.
    Humph.

  • #306
    Banned Wulaw Horn Shaggy Gold Club Wulaw Horn Shaggy Gold Club Wulaw Horn Shaggy Gold Club Wulaw Horn Shaggy Gold Club Wulaw Horn Shaggy Gold Club Wulaw Horn Shaggy Gold Club Wulaw Horn Shaggy Gold Club Wulaw Horn Shaggy Gold Club Wulaw Horn Shaggy Gold Club Wulaw Horn Shaggy Gold Club Wulaw Horn Shaggy Gold Club
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    My wife thinks and acts like a guy most of the time and doesn't do any stereotypical dumb woman stuff so not really much to add other than this:

    some of the things that she doesn't know shock me, like, there are 5280 feet in a mile. I thought more or less everyone knew that as I was talking about how I swam a mile at the Y the other day and she wanted to know how I could know that and I said- well the pool is 25 meters and I swam 70laps and thought that was enough of an explanation, obviously not. When I started to do the unit calculations for her she thought I was a super genius for knowing things like there are more or less 3 feet in a meter, 5280 feet in a mile etc. That's the missing geography bug. That and if someone were traveling from San Francisco to LA she would talk about going "up" from San Fran to LA. If they were traveling the opposite direction she would say that we went down from LA to SF. Never fails. She always uses "going up" to describe traveling south (even when she knows it's south) and going down to denote traveling north. It's very bizarre to me.

    I have such minor issues with my wife, and we never get in fights, that I feel incredibly lucky and blessed. Now the ex- that was another story. But like someone previously said- not dumb, just mean, overreacter etc.

  • #307
    asshat Xminus6 grows his own roses Xminus6 grows his own roses Xminus6 grows his own roses Xminus6 grows his own roses Xminus6 grows his own roses Xminus6 grows his own roses Xminus6 grows his own roses Xminus6 grows his own roses Xminus6 grows his own roses Xminus6 grows his own roses Xminus6 grows his own roses Xminus6's Avatar
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    There are rarely 25 meter pools. Most Jr. size pools are 25 yards and Olympic size pools are 50 meter. Maybe your gym has one but I don't think I've seen a 25 meter pool before.

  • #308
    asshat enjay might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? enjay might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? enjay might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? enjay might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? enjay might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? enjay might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? enjay might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? enjay might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? enjay might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? enjay might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? enjay might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xminus6 View Post
    There are rarely 25 meter pools. Most Jr. size pools are 25 yards and Olympic size pools are 50 meter. Maybe your gym has one but I don't think I've seen a 25 meter pool before.
    GODDAMNIT CHECK YOUR FACKS!!!!1!!

    /caps

  • #309
    benevolent dictator blacklab has disabled reputation blacklab's Avatar
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    My wife can't cook very well. 1-2 times a month I smell something burning.

    Me Are you cooking anything?
    Her: No
    Me Are you sure?
    Her: oh $#@!

    So I bought a little timer for her and taught her how to use it.
    One week later we're talking and the buzzer goes off. She gets up goes into the kitchen, turns it off, comes back to the living room and continues talking.
    About 5 minutes later she finally shuts up for a second

    me: so what was the buzzer for
    her: what buzzer?
    me: the one you got up and turned off in the kitchen
    her: I don't know
    me: are you cooking something?
    her: no
    me: are you sure?
    her: oh $#@!

  • #310
    Quote Originally Posted by blacklab View Post
    My wife can't cook very well. 1-2 times a month I smell something burning.

    Me Are you cooking anything?
    Her: No
    Me Are you sure?
    Her: oh $#@!

    So I bought a little timer for her and taught her how to use it.
    One week later we're talking and the buzzer goes off. She gets up goes into the kitchen, turns it off, comes back to the living room and continues talking.
    About 5 minutes later she finally shuts up for a second

    me: so what was the buzzer for
    her: what buzzer?
    me: the one you got up and turned off in the kitchen
    her: I don't know
    me: are you cooking something?
    her: no
    me: are you sure?
    her: oh $#@!

    holy $#@!.

  • #311
    Quote Originally Posted by Wulaw Horn View Post
    My wife thinks and acts like a guy most of the time and doesn't do any stereotypical dumb woman stuff so not really much to add other than this:

    some of the things that she doesn't know shock me, like, there are 5280 feet in a mile. I thought more or less everyone knew that as I was talking about how I swam a mile at the Y the other day and she wanted to know how I could know that and I said- well the pool is 25 meters and I swam 70laps and thought that was enough of an explanation, obviously not. When I started to do the unit calculations for her she thought I was a super genius for knowing things like there are more or less 3 feet in a meter, 5280 feet in a mile etc. That's the missing geography bug. That and if someone were traveling from San Francisco to LA she would talk about going "up" from San Fran to LA. If they were traveling the opposite direction she would say that we went down from LA to SF. Never fails. She always uses "going up" to describe traveling south (even when she knows it's south) and going down to denote traveling north. It's very bizarre to me.

    I have such minor issues with my wife, and we never get in fights, that I feel incredibly lucky and blessed. Now the ex- that was another story. But like someone previously said- not dumb, just mean, overreacter etc.
    maybe if she was confusing north and south i'd feel for you, but you're assuming up = north and down = south. there are maps (usually in the southern hemisphere) that have south pointing up and north pointing down. nitpicky, but just felt like piling on.

  • #312
    asshat simihorn slams and goes hard. simihorn slams and goes hard. simihorn slams and goes hard. simihorn slams and goes hard. simihorn slams and goes hard. simihorn slams and goes hard. simihorn slams and goes hard. simihorn slams and goes hard. simihorn slams and goes hard. simihorn slams and goes hard. simihorn slams and goes hard. simihorn's Avatar
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    Having been way more involved in swimming the last 6 years than I ever wanted to be, i can tell you that almost all competitive pools are built, and have been for a good while, at 25 meters. The standard short course is 25m. Some older pools will still be 25y, but it hurts the ability to host USA Swimming meets.

    Now, a lot of 25m pools can be shortened to 25y using bulkheads, but it's hard to lengthen a 25y pool to 25m.

  • #313
    bunghole Spaulding Smails Shaggy Bronze Club Spaulding Smails Shaggy Bronze Club Spaulding Smails Shaggy Bronze Club Spaulding Smails Shaggy Bronze Club Spaulding Smails Shaggy Bronze Club Spaulding Smails Shaggy Bronze Club Spaulding Smails Shaggy Bronze Club Spaulding Smails Shaggy Bronze Club Spaulding Smails Shaggy Bronze Club Spaulding Smails Shaggy Bronze Club Spaulding Smails Shaggy Bronze Club Spaulding Smails's Avatar
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    The math thing is present in my wife as well. I think guys just naturally retain that knowledge after school. Women lose it virtually immediately. She does retain her fraction skillz, however, cuz I keep her locked in the kitchen.

  • #314
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    IBC

    smaller letters

    I will have to think back on this, been divorced for 8 years now.

  • #315
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    Quote Originally Posted by simihorn View Post
    Having been way more involved in swimming the last 6 years than I ever wanted to be, i can tell you that almost all competitive pools are built, and have been for a good while, at 25 meters. The standard short course is 25m. Some older pools will still be 25y, but it hurts the ability to host USA Swimming meets.

    Now, a lot of 25m pools can be shortened to 25y using bulkheads, but it's hard to lengthen a 25y pool to 25m.
    Right on. When I swam our pools were all 25y. I'm actually glad they switch the short course pool to meters because the difference was pretty significant.

  • #316
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpclLadyFriend View Post
    I think this means that I am growing as a person.
    Nope, just getting lazy.

  • #317

    Wives and the Stupid $#@! They Say/Do

    The wife actually does the opposite, never listening to VM I leave. So I have to repeat myself. I've taken to leaving increasingly bizarre messages. "So then I stuck my hand in a meatgrinder, and shot President Lincoln in his head." Occasionally I'll get a "WTF was that message about?"

  • #318
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    I asked about the pool and was told by the lifeguard it was 25 meters so I went with that assumption. And though a meter and a yard are somewhat different they are close enough to use in the sense I'm using it when I say I swam a mile (she wouldn't know if that was 12 laps or 200- and would have no way of even hazarding a guess b/c unit calculations are completely foreign territory).

    As to the map thing since we are in NA and talking about NA I'm going to go out on a limb and say 99.9999% of the sentient beings in this country would refer to north as up and south as down- I.E. go down from New York to Washington D.C.

    But with all the other stuff on here I feel really lucky to have the wife I do. These things about her amuse me- some of the stuff on here reads that way and some of the stuff on here reads worse.

    Blacklab- that timer bit was hysterical.

  • #319
    asshat Superhero Shaggy Silver Club Superhero Shaggy Silver Club Superhero Shaggy Silver Club Superhero Shaggy Silver Club Superhero Shaggy Silver Club Superhero Shaggy Silver Club Superhero Shaggy Silver Club Superhero Shaggy Silver Club Superhero Shaggy Silver Club Superhero Shaggy Silver Club Superhero Shaggy Silver Club Superhero's Avatar
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    From yesterday:

    Me: We're moving next weekend. I need you to go through your stuff, throw, donate, pack, whatever. I've talked to the mortgage company, realtor, insurance company, movers etc. etc. etc. Have you called the utilities?
    Her: No
    Me: We're running out of time here, I really need your help getting through this. No more putzing around, let's get this done!
    Her: Hey! You wanna go to a Journey tribute band tomorrow night?

    I had to walk out of the room I was so pissed.

  • #320
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    Quote Originally Posted by Superhero View Post
    Her: Hey! You wanna go to a Journey tribute band tomorrow night?
    Where they playing? I'm in.

  • #321
    Quote Originally Posted by Superhero View Post
    From yesterday:

    Me: We're moving next weekend. I need you to go through your stuff, throw, donate, pack, whatever. I've talked to the mortgage company, realtor, insurance company, movers etc. etc. etc. Have you called the utilities?
    Her: No
    Me: We're running out of time here, I really need your help getting through this. No more putzing around, let's get this done!
    Her: Hey! You wanna go to a Journey tribute band tomorrow night?

    I had to walk out of the room I was so pissed.
    Give her a break, she's just a small town girl.

  • #322
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    Quote Originally Posted by GraciePie View Post
    Give her a break, she's just a small town girl.
    Livin' in a lonely world.

  • #323
    asshat Llano Estacado Shaggy Platinum Llano Estacado Shaggy Platinum Llano Estacado Shaggy Platinum Llano Estacado Shaggy Platinum Llano Estacado Shaggy Platinum Llano Estacado Shaggy Platinum Llano Estacado Shaggy Platinum Llano Estacado Shaggy Platinum Llano Estacado Shaggy Platinum Llano Estacado Shaggy Platinum Llano Estacado Shaggy Platinum Llano Estacado's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Superhero View Post
    Me: We're running out of time here, I really need your help getting through this. No more putzing around, let's get this done!
    Ooooo, the wheel in the sky keeps on turning. What are your moving tomarrrrr oh?

  • #324
    bunghole Teddy Salad slams and goes hard. Teddy Salad slams and goes hard. Teddy Salad slams and goes hard. Teddy Salad slams and goes hard. Teddy Salad slams and goes hard. Teddy Salad slams and goes hard. Teddy Salad slams and goes hard. Teddy Salad slams and goes hard. Teddy Salad slams and goes hard. Teddy Salad slams and goes hard. Teddy Salad slams and goes hard. Teddy Salad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dw View Post
    I think you're just being pissy. Who turns down a good Journey tribute band? Hell...who turns down a bad one?
    Isn't Journey itself pretty much a tribute band nowadays?

  • #325
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    Quote Originally Posted by Superhero View Post
    From yesterday:

    Me: We're moving next weekend. I need you to go through your stuff, throw, donate, pack, whatever. I've talked to the mortgage company, realtor, insurance company, movers etc. etc. etc. Have you called the utilities?
    Her: No
    Me: We're running out of time here, I really need your help getting through this. No more putzing around, let's get this done!
    Her: Hey! You wanna go to a Journey tribute band tomorrow night?

    I had to walk out of the room I was so pissed.
    you sound like a woman...is this a lesbian relationship

  • #326
    asshat BRC grows his own roses BRC grows his own roses BRC grows his own roses BRC grows his own roses BRC grows his own roses BRC grows his own roses BRC grows his own roses BRC grows his own roses BRC grows his own roses BRC grows his own roses BRC grows his own roses BRC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Superhero View Post
    From yesterday:

    Me: We're moving next weekend. I need you to go through your stuff, throw, donate, pack, whatever. I've talked to the mortgage company, realtor, insurance company, movers etc. etc. etc. Have you called the utilities?
    Her: No
    Me: We're running out of time here, I really need your help getting through this. No more putzing around, let's get this done!
    Her: Hey! You wanna go to a Journey tribute band tomorrow night?

    I had to walk out of the room I was so pissed.
    Don't worry. I will take her so you have more time to pack.

  • #327
    Quote Originally Posted by pacman View Post
    you sound like a woman...is this a lesbian relationship
    Yeah, in our house that conversation would be reversed.

  • #328
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    Last night, wife and I went out for sushi. The chef had a tip jar on the counter, with a $1 million bill taped on the jar.

    wife: Is this real?
    me: Well, the highest denomination is $100. But even if it was real, I'm relatively sure he wouldn't put it on the jar.
    wife: Your probably right.

  • #329
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    My wife once tried to explain to me that she was tired of having to do the tough job of telling us we had to spend money on things, while I had it easy by telling her we couldn't afford it.

  • #330
    I can relate to all the posts that have mentioned mumbling. With my on-again off-again girlfriend, it was almost impossible for me to understand what she was saying about half the time we would talk on the phone. I had figured out that the times she was incomprehensible she would be laying down and have the phone sort of laying near her head. Here's how a typical conversation would go:

    She calls me
    Me: Hey, what's up?
    Her (barely audible): Warble garble garble long day warble garble tired garble warble
    Me (faking comprehension): Uh huh, I can see what you mean.

    This part repeats for a while. Her saying something and me feigning understanding, until we would get to this part:

    Her: Warble garble garble warble warble? (the last warble ends with an inflection that makes me think it is a question)
    Me (Screwed because I can't reply with "Yeah, I know") Are you laying down? You know it's a bit hard for me to hear you when you call me laying down.
    Her: (Sitting up finally, and clearly sounding hurt/pissy) It's ok, I'm just really tired, I'll talk you tomorrow. (Hangs up)
    Me (To myself): WTF, you called me. Don't call if you are too tired to talk.

    Which actually brings up another point. Women love to talk about how tired they are. And I'm not talking about just women who go to work and then come home and take care of young children. Nope, friends of mine, girls my age, in their mid 20's who are single and have fairly simple 8:30-5:30 office jobs love to mention that they are exhausted whenever given the chance. What the hell girl? You go to sleep at 10:30 and get up a little before 7 and then you spend most of the day on Gchat and Facebook. That sounds really tiresome, how ever do you make it through the day?

  • #331
    Chieftain of Aggression Brisketexan Definitely Shaggy upper class Brisketexan Definitely Shaggy upper class Brisketexan Definitely Shaggy upper class Brisketexan Definitely Shaggy upper class Brisketexan Definitely Shaggy upper class Brisketexan Definitely Shaggy upper class Brisketexan Definitely Shaggy upper class Brisketexan Definitely Shaggy upper class Brisketexan Definitely Shaggy upper class Brisketexan Definitely Shaggy upper class Brisketexan Definitely Shaggy upper class Brisketexan's Avatar
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    Which actually brings up another point. Women love to talk about how tired they are. And I'm not talking about just women who go to work and then come home and take care of young children. Nope, friends of mine, girls my age, in their mid 20's who are single and have fairly simple 8:30-5:30 office jobs love to mention that they are exhausted whenever given the chance.
    Umm, yeah, I'd thought that every guy had this figured out. Regardless of age, family status, etc., the "I'm tired" theme is chickspeak for "don't even think about trying to have sex with me tonight." It's a pre-emptive strike, of the "in case you were thinking about it, and even if you weren't, forget about it" variety.

    I figured that one out in high school.

    Of course, I got shot down a lot back then, so I had plenty of opportunities to learn.

  • #332
    Quote Originally Posted by Brisketexan View Post
    Umm, yeah, I'd thought that every guy had this figured out. Regardless of age, family status, etc., the "I'm tired" theme is chickspeak for "don't even think about trying to have sex with me tonight." It's a pre-emptive strike, of the "in case you were thinking about it, and even if you weren't, forget about it" variety.

    I figured that one out in high school.

    Of course, I got shot down a lot back then, so I had plenty of opportunities to learn.
    Oh I understand that. I was actually talking about chicks that you are not actively trying to bone. Just friends that bring this stuff up in casual conversation.
    Last edited by Storm the Field; 08-20-2010 at 09:34 AM.

  • #333
    TEXAS FIGHT! mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn's Avatar
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    "you wouldn't be so tired if you'd stop leaving the kitchen"

  • #334
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    the EXHAUSTED $#@! kills me. Now, I'm not married, I'm talking about what this other guy is talking about.

    I dont get it. Why are you constantly EXHAUSTED? Or do you think that will make me like you more? Telling me your $#@! is tired all the time? It really makes me think you are a weakass person with no constitution.

  • #335
    bunghole Rugged is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? Rugged is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? Rugged is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? Rugged is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? Rugged is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? Rugged is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? Rugged's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hullabelew View Post
    .
    wife: Your probably right.
    You're right, that was stupid.

  • #336
    Faux Aggy hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew Shaggy Gold Club hullabelew's Avatar
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    What?! You taking her side now?

  • #337
    asshat MetallicInkwells is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? MetallicInkwells is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? MetallicInkwells is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? MetallicInkwells is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? MetallicInkwells is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? MetallicInkwells is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? MetallicInkwells is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? MetallicInkwells is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? MetallicInkwells is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? MetallicInkwells is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? MetallicInkwells is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares?
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    Jesus. I think judgeroybeanbag and I are married to twins.

    Another thing my wife does that makes me insane is when she is driving and talking on the phone at the same time, this always happens:

    Me: OK. If you're stopping at the HEB, would you pick up....
    Her: Oh $#@! $#@! $#@! $#@! $#@!!! You stupid idiot!!1!
    Me: Everything OK?
    Her: Some got-dam idiot just pulled out in front of me/has $#@! falling off the truck/is going to run off the road/etc and is going to kill me. Got-DAM!
    Me: Hon, why don't you just call me back when you get to the store and park?
    Her: No, everything is fine now.
    Me: Well it sounds like you just had a brush with death (again). You sure you're alright?
    Her: Yeeesss (in that tone). I'm fine.
    Me: You know, let me check to see if there is anything more that we need. Just call me when you get to the store and get parked.

    Now, either she encounters every $#@!ing halfwit driver in Austin every time she gets in the car, or she just cannot $#@!ing drive while talking on the phone. Now, I know damn well which of those it is, but I literally have to find excuses to ditch her when she calls me from behind the wheel so I don't wind up having to raise the kids alone.

  • #338
    Quote Originally Posted by huge View Post
    the EXHAUSTED $#@! kills me. Now, I'm not married, I'm talking about what this other guy is talking about.

    I dont get it. Why are you constantly EXHAUSTED? Or do you think that will make me like you more? Telling me your $#@! is tired all the time? It really makes me think you are a weakass person with no constitution.
    I'm not even a guy and this drives me NUTS! Why can't they just be tired, why are they always EXHAUSTED? When I am really tired I try to pretend I'm not, which inevitably ends with me passing out in the middle of a movie, or getting too wasted on RBV.

    I find myself getting really excited every time this thread is bumped. I guess I like to read all the things these stupid wives do and pretend I never do any of it :-)

  • #339
    TEXAS FIGHT! mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? mgnhorn's Avatar
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    who knew, whosehouse is a lesbo:

    urban dictionary - RBV:
    "An acronym for roast beef vagina."

  • #340
    asshat Monty86 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Monty86 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Monty86 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Monty86 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Monty86 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Monty86 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Monty86 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Monty86 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Monty86 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Monty86 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Monty86 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge?
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    Quote Originally Posted by dendox View Post
    I do most of the laundry in our home.
    As do I and here's two things I can't figure out: 1) I'll be about halfway done folding $#@!, and of course I have everything separated. She clearly sees I have more of her socks to fold, yet instead of waiting for me to finish (or God forbid help me) she'll put away the socks that have been folded, then proceed to put each individual pair away as they are folded. This entails turning around and walking at least two steps to the dresser. 2) she'll bitch about not having enough room for her now-clean clothes. I'll say "why don't you put them back exactly where you got them from, there seemed to be plenty of room then." This has never helped.

  • #341
    asshat MilkmanDan Shaggy Gold Club MilkmanDan Shaggy Gold Club MilkmanDan Shaggy Gold Club MilkmanDan Shaggy Gold Club MilkmanDan Shaggy Gold Club MilkmanDan Shaggy Gold Club MilkmanDan Shaggy Gold Club MilkmanDan Shaggy Gold Club MilkmanDan Shaggy Gold Club MilkmanDan Shaggy Gold Club MilkmanDan Shaggy Gold Club MilkmanDan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brisketexan View Post
    umm, yeah, i'd thought that every guy had this figured out. Regardless of age, family status, etc., the "i'm tired" theme is chickspeak for "don't even think about trying to have sex with me tonight." it's a pre-emptive strike, of the "in case you were thinking about it, and even if you weren't, forget about it" variety.
    fml.

  • #342
    asshat Genco grows his own roses Genco grows his own roses Genco grows his own roses Genco grows his own roses Genco grows his own roses Genco grows his own roses Genco grows his own roses Genco grows his own roses Genco grows his own roses Genco grows his own roses Genco grows his own roses
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    Quote Originally Posted by MetallicInkwells View Post
    or she just cannot $#@!ing drive while talking on the phone.
    What's this "while she's on the phone" $#@!? Women can't drive for $#@! regardless of the circumstances. However, I think women believe that cars are powered by cellular technology. My wife doesn't believe the V8 under the hood will function unless she's yaking on the phone to her friends about some inane bull$#@!.

  • #343
    asshat creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy Shaggy Bronze Club creasy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MetallicInkwells View Post
    Now, either she encounters every $#@!ing halfwit driver in Austin every time she gets in the car, or she just cannot $#@!ing drive while talking on the phone. Now, I know damn well which of those it is, but I literally have to find excuses to ditch her when she calls me from behind the wheel so I don't wind up having to raise the kids alone.
    Holy $#@!, that is funny.

  • #344
    asshat MyQuick=FrenchToast grows his own roses MyQuick=FrenchToast grows his own roses MyQuick=FrenchToast grows his own roses MyQuick=FrenchToast grows his own roses MyQuick=FrenchToast grows his own roses MyQuick=FrenchToast grows his own roses MyQuick=FrenchToast grows his own roses MyQuick=FrenchToast grows his own roses MyQuick=FrenchToast grows his own roses MyQuick=FrenchToast grows his own roses MyQuick=FrenchToast grows his own roses MyQuick=FrenchToast's Avatar
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    Wives and the Stupid $#@! They Say/Do

    Quote Originally Posted by huge
    the EXHAUSTED $#@! kills me. Now, I'm not married, I'm talking about what this other guy is talking about.

    I dont get it. Why are you constantly EXHAUSTED? Or do you think that will make me like you more? Telling me your $#@! is tired all the time? It really makes me think you are a weakass person with no constitution.
    I think boston and I could have a battle for who says they're tired more often. I'm pretty sure he'd win.

    I was kinda ashamed he posted one of mine but given all the ones that have been posted, I feel better.

  • #345
    Quote Originally Posted by MetallicInkwells View Post
    Jesus. I think judgeroybeanbag and I are married to twins.

    Another thing my wife does that makes me insane is when she is driving and talking on the phone at the same time, this always happens:

    Me: OK. If you're stopping at the HEB, would you pick up....
    Her: Oh $#@! $#@! $#@! $#@! $#@!!! You stupid idiot!!1!
    Me: Everything OK?
    Her: Some got-dam idiot just pulled out in front of me/has $#@! falling off the truck/is going to run off the road/etc and is going to kill me. Got-DAM!
    Me: Hon, why don't you just call me back when you get to the store and park?
    Her: No, everything is fine now.
    Me: Well it sounds like you just had a brush with death (again). You sure you're alright?
    Her: Yeeesss (in that tone). I'm fine.
    Me: You know, let me check to see if there is anything more that we need. Just call me when you get to the store and get parked.

    Now, either she encounters every $#@!ing halfwit driver in Austin every time she gets in the car, or she just cannot $#@!ing drive while talking on the phone. Now, I know damn well which of those it is, but I literally have to find excuses to ditch her when she calls me from behind the wheel so I don't wind up having to raise the kids alone.
    Well, Metall, if I'm stuck behind your wife going ten miles under the speed limit in two different lanes at the same time one more freakin time, you'll be raising those kids alone.

  • #346
    asshat cajunhorn Shaggy Platinum cajunhorn Shaggy Platinum cajunhorn Shaggy Platinum cajunhorn Shaggy Platinum cajunhorn Shaggy Platinum cajunhorn Shaggy Platinum cajunhorn Shaggy Platinum cajunhorn Shaggy Platinum cajunhorn Shaggy Platinum cajunhorn Shaggy Platinum cajunhorn Shaggy Platinum cajunhorn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpclLadyFriend View Post
    I appreciate your chivalric attitude and so I will reward you by outing myself with something I know makes you crazy...



    I do this ^^^
    I do it a lot. I get pissy when you interrupt me. I am worse on voicemail when there is no one to interrupt me.

    I used to be particularly bad about repeating my voicemail message to you when you returned my call (which meant you got to hear the inanity twice)... I am making a conscious effort lately to say instead, "Did you get my message?"
    I think this means that I am growing as a person.
    Awareness of this may result in my not having to build one of these into the budget...




  • #347
    dead from aggy misery od Ghost of LL Shaggy Gold Club Ghost of LL Shaggy Gold Club Ghost of LL Shaggy Gold Club Ghost of LL Shaggy Gold Club Ghost of LL Shaggy Gold Club Ghost of LL Shaggy Gold Club Ghost of LL Shaggy Gold Club Ghost of LL Shaggy Gold Club Ghost of LL Shaggy Gold Club Ghost of LL Shaggy Gold Club Ghost of LL Shaggy Gold Club Ghost of LL's Avatar
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    I've been avoiding this thread because i know that I will suffer for anything posted on it. But I'm navigating the $#@! Creek today without any form of propulsion anyway, so i might as well turn loose.

    Over the weekend, I was in Milwaukee and Chicago for a guys' trip to Miller Park and Wrigley. Good trip. Lots of Old Style. Mrs.LL is home with the kid for three days. She's not happy about it. I'm not saying I blame her. The kid's damned tiring. Perhaps one would even characterize him as "EXHAUSTING." I was supposed to get into DFW at 8:00 last night--an event she was obviously looking forward to so that she could once again bask in the warming glow of my majestic aura.

    As an aside, I should say that early in the day yesterday, we decided to go to the game at Wrigley. There was just one problem--my flight out of ORD was at 5:30 and it would be a huge pain to go back to our downtown hotel, pick up my bag, and then go back north to ORD. So instead one of the other guys offered to take my bag since he was going to MDW and the hotel was more-or-less on his way to the airport. Good idea, right? It's not like I'm going to need anything in that bag since I'm going straight home. I said "great" and off we went.

    Maybe you see where this is going.

    I leave Wrigley with the other guy that was on the 5:30 flight at about 4:00. We get to ORD at 4:50--too late for him to check in for the flight. So he has to re-book on the 7:50 flight. But not me. I'm smart enough that I had checked in earlier and had my boarding pass in hand. He's a dumbass--he'll be going two-and-a-half hours later than me. I rock.

    So I go over to gate L8 and there's the nice silver 777 sitting there ready for boarding. And it sits there. And sits there. Oh, $#@!. The rolling delay. I love it. It'll be 6:00 before we depart. Then 6:30. Then 8:00. Every time I call Mrs.LL to give her an update, she gets more and more pissed. She's pissed not at AA, but at me. It's somehow my fault the plane's broken. Then I hear that the flights delayed again to 8:00. Not 8:00 PM--8:00 this morning. Furk.

    Now Mrs.LL is really rip$#@! pissed. I mean, she's not the one who had to watch her dumb$#@! buddy who didn't check in on time leave hours ago. She's not the one sitting in a $#@!ing hotel by the airport rather than in her own bed. She's not the one wearing yesterday's dirty $#@!ing underwear--and after having sat in the sun for nine innings at Wrigley yesterday, it's pretty $#@!ing dirty--today. But somehow this is my fault and I'm going to be well-and-truly punished for it. FML.
    Last edited by Ghost of LL; 08-23-2010 at 02:00 PM.

  • #348
    asshat flaco might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? flaco might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? flaco might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? flaco might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? flaco might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? flaco might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? flaco might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? flaco might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? flaco might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? flaco might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? flaco might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge?
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    "Say the last thing first."

    After reading this thread, I have been saying this now with varying results. It was pretty effectual the first time or two now she is on to me and I get a dirty look and get ignored for a few.

  • #349
    asshat skipperj Definitely Shaggy upper class skipperj Definitely Shaggy upper class skipperj Definitely Shaggy upper class skipperj Definitely Shaggy upper class skipperj Definitely Shaggy upper class skipperj Definitely Shaggy upper class skipperj Definitely Shaggy upper class skipperj Definitely Shaggy upper class skipperj Definitely Shaggy upper class skipperj Definitely Shaggy upper class skipperj Definitely Shaggy upper class skipperj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by flaco View Post
    "Say the last thing first."

    After reading this thread, I have been saying this now with varying results. It was pretty effectual the first time or two now she is on to me and I get a dirty look and get ignored for a few.
    Yeah, I attempted that the other day. It didn't go over so well.

  • #350
    Quote Originally Posted by LonghornLawyer View Post
    I've been avoiding this thread because i know that I will suffer for anything posted on it. But I'm navigating the $#@! Creek today without any form of propulsion anyway, so i might as well turn loose.

    Over the weekend, I was in Milwaukee and Chicago for a guys' trip to Miller Park and Wrigley. Good trip. Lots of Old Style. Mrs.LL is home with the kid for three days. She's not happy about it. I'm not saying I blame her. The kid's damned tiring. Perhaps one would even characterize him as "EXHAUSTING." I was supposed to get into DFW at 8:00 last night--an event she was obviously looking forward to so that she could once again bask in the warming glow of my majestic aura.

    As an aside, I should say that early in the day yesterday, we decided to go to the game at Wrigley. There was just one problem--my flight out of ORD was at 5:30 and it would be a huge pain to go back to our downtown hotel, pick up my bag, and then go back north to ORD. So instead one of the other guys offered to take my bag since he was going to MDW and the hotel was more-or-less on his way to the airport. Good idea, right? It's not like I'm going to need anything in that bag since I'm going straight home. I said "great" and off we went.

    Maybe you see where this is going.

    I leave Wrigley with the other guy that was on the 5:30 flight at about 4:00. We get to ORD at 4:50--too late for him to check in for the flight. So he has to re-book on the 7:50 flight. But not me. I'm smart enough that I had checked in earlier and had my boarding pass in hand. He's a dumbass--he'll be going two-and-a-half hours later than me. I rock.

    So I go over to gate L8 and there's the nice silver 777 sitting there ready for boarding. And it sits there. And sits there. Oh, $#@!. The rolling delay. I love it. It'll be 6:00 before we depart. Then 6:30. Then 8:00. Every time I call Mrs.LL to give her an update, she gets more and more pissed. She's pissed not at AA, but at me. It's somehow my fault the plane's broken. Then I hear that the flights delayed again to 8:00. Not 8:00 PM--8:00 this morning. Furk.

    Now Mrs.LL is really rip$#@! pissed. I mean, she's not the one who had to watch her dumb$#@! buddy who didn't check in on time leave hours ago. She's not the one sitting in a $#@!ing hotel by the airport rather than in her own bed. She's not the one wearing yesterday's dirty $#@!ing underwear--and after having sat in the sun for nine innings at Wrigley yesterday, it's pretty $#@!ing dirty--today. But somehow this is my fault and I'm going to be well-and-truly punished for it. FML.
    If you are married there is no guy trip that does not result in repercussions, abuse, or guilt tripping (or all of the aforementioned) from the wife.
    When wife goes on a trip the kids and I have a blast until the wife comes home and we have a 36 hour war of readjustment.
    Last edited by UTEX90; 08-23-2010 at 02:11 PM. Reason: .

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