Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.
Ramjet, that's the funniest thing I've read in days. Hahaha.
My wife thinks and acts like a guy most of the time and doesn't do any stereotypical dumb woman stuff so not really much to add other than this:
some of the things that she doesn't know shock me, like, there are 5280 feet in a mile. I thought more or less everyone knew that as I was talking about how I swam a mile at the Y the other day and she wanted to know how I could know that and I said- well the pool is 25 meters and I swam 70laps and thought that was enough of an explanation, obviously not. When I started to do the unit calculations for her she thought I was a super genius for knowing things like there are more or less 3 feet in a meter, 5280 feet in a mile etc. That's the missing geography bug. That and if someone were traveling from San Francisco to LA she would talk about going "up" from San Fran to LA. If they were traveling the opposite direction she would say that we went down from LA to SF. Never fails. She always uses "going up" to describe traveling south (even when she knows it's south) and going down to denote traveling north. It's very bizarre to me.
I have such minor issues with my wife, and we never get in fights, that I feel incredibly lucky and blessed. Now the ex- that was another story. But like someone previously said- not dumb, just mean, overreacter etc.
There are rarely 25 meter pools. Most Jr. size pools are 25 yards and Olympic size pools are 50 meter. Maybe your gym has one but I don't think I've seen a 25 meter pool before.
My wife can't cook very well. 1-2 times a month I smell something burning.
Me Are you cooking anything?
Me Are you sure?
Her: oh $#@!
So I bought a little timer for her and taught her how to use it.
One week later we're talking and the buzzer goes off. She gets up goes into the kitchen, turns it off, comes back to the living room and continues talking.
About 5 minutes later she finally shuts up for a second
me: so what was the buzzer for
her: what buzzer?
me: the one you got up and turned off in the kitchen
her: I don't know
me: are you cooking something?
me: are you sure?
her: oh $#@!
Having been way more involved in swimming the last 6 years than I ever wanted to be, i can tell you that almost all competitive pools are built, and have been for a good while, at 25 meters. The standard short course is 25m. Some older pools will still be 25y, but it hurts the ability to host USA Swimming meets.
Now, a lot of 25m pools can be shortened to 25y using bulkheads, but it's hard to lengthen a 25y pool to 25m.
The math thing is present in my wife as well. I think guys just naturally retain that knowledge after school. Women lose it virtually immediately. She does retain her fraction skillz, however, cuz I keep her locked in the kitchen.
I will have to think back on this, been divorced for 8 years now.
The wife actually does the opposite, never listening to VM I leave. So I have to repeat myself. I've taken to leaving increasingly bizarre messages. "So then I stuck my hand in a meatgrinder, and shot President Lincoln in his head." Occasionally I'll get a "WTF was that message about?"
I asked about the pool and was told by the lifeguard it was 25 meters so I went with that assumption. And though a meter and a yard are somewhat different they are close enough to use in the sense I'm using it when I say I swam a mile (she wouldn't know if that was 12 laps or 200- and would have no way of even hazarding a guess b/c unit calculations are completely foreign territory).
As to the map thing since we are in NA and talking about NA I'm going to go out on a limb and say 99.9999% of the sentient beings in this country would refer to north as up and south as down- I.E. go down from New York to Washington D.C.
But with all the other stuff on here I feel really lucky to have the wife I do. These things about her amuse me- some of the stuff on here reads that way and some of the stuff on here reads worse.
Blacklab- that timer bit was hysterical.
Me: We're moving next weekend. I need you to go through your stuff, throw, donate, pack, whatever. I've talked to the mortgage company, realtor, insurance company, movers etc. etc. etc. Have you called the utilities?
Me: We're running out of time here, I really need your help getting through this. No more putzing around, let's get this done!
Her: Hey! You wanna go to a Journey tribute band tomorrow night?
I had to walk out of the room I was so pissed.
Last night, wife and I went out for sushi. The chef had a tip jar on the counter, with a $1 million bill taped on the jar.
wife: Is this real?
me: Well, the highest denomination is $100. But even if it was real, I'm relatively sure he wouldn't put it on the jar.
wife: Your probably right.
My wife once tried to explain to me that she was tired of having to do the tough job of telling us we had to spend money on things, while I had it easy by telling her we couldn't afford it.
I can relate to all the posts that have mentioned mumbling. With my on-again off-again girlfriend, it was almost impossible for me to understand what she was saying about half the time we would talk on the phone. I had figured out that the times she was incomprehensible she would be laying down and have the phone sort of laying near her head. Here's how a typical conversation would go:
She calls me
Me: Hey, what's up?
Her (barely audible): Warble garble garble long day warble garble tired garble warble
Me (faking comprehension): Uh huh, I can see what you mean.
This part repeats for a while. Her saying something and me feigning understanding, until we would get to this part:
Her: Warble garble garble warble warble? (the last warble ends with an inflection that makes me think it is a question)
Me (Screwed because I can't reply with "Yeah, I know") Are you laying down? You know it's a bit hard for me to hear you when you call me laying down.
Her: (Sitting up finally, and clearly sounding hurt/pissy) It's ok, I'm just really tired, I'll talk you tomorrow. (Hangs up)
Me (To myself): WTF, you called me. Don't call if you are too tired to talk.
Which actually brings up another point. Women love to talk about how tired they are. And I'm not talking about just women who go to work and then come home and take care of young children. Nope, friends of mine, girls my age, in their mid 20's who are single and have fairly simple 8:30-5:30 office jobs love to mention that they are exhausted whenever given the chance. What the hell girl? You go to sleep at 10:30 and get up a little before 7 and then you spend most of the day on Gchat and Facebook. That sounds really tiresome, how ever do you make it through the day?
Umm, yeah, I'd thought that every guy had this figured out. Regardless of age, family status, etc., the "I'm tired" theme is chickspeak for "don't even think about trying to have sex with me tonight." It's a pre-emptive strike, of the "in case you were thinking about it, and even if you weren't, forget about it" variety.Which actually brings up another point. Women love to talk about how tired they are. And I'm not talking about just women who go to work and then come home and take care of young children. Nope, friends of mine, girls my age, in their mid 20's who are single and have fairly simple 8:30-5:30 office jobs love to mention that they are exhausted whenever given the chance.
I figured that one out in high school.
Of course, I got shot down a lot back then, so I had plenty of opportunities to learn.
"you wouldn't be so tired if you'd stop leaving the kitchen"
the EXHAUSTED $#@! kills me. Now, I'm not married, I'm talking about what this other guy is talking about.
I dont get it. Why are you constantly EXHAUSTED? Or do you think that will make me like you more? Telling me your $#@! is tired all the time? It really makes me think you are a weakass person with no constitution.
What?! You taking her side now?
Jesus. I think judgeroybeanbag and I are married to twins.
Another thing my wife does that makes me insane is when she is driving and talking on the phone at the same time, this always happens:
Me: OK. If you're stopping at the HEB, would you pick up....
Her: Oh $#@! $#@! $#@! $#@! $#@!!! You stupid idiot!!1!
Me: Everything OK?
Her: Some got-dam idiot just pulled out in front of me/has $#@! falling off the truck/is going to run off the road/etc and is going to kill me. Got-DAM!
Me: Hon, why don't you just call me back when you get to the store and park?
Her: No, everything is fine now.
Me: Well it sounds like you just had a brush with death (again). You sure you're alright?
Her: Yeeesss (in that tone). I'm fine.
Me: You know, let me check to see if there is anything more that we need. Just call me when you get to the store and get parked.
Now, either she encounters every $#@!ing halfwit driver in Austin every time she gets in the car, or she just cannot $#@!ing drive while talking on the phone. Now, I know damn well which of those it is, but I literally have to find excuses to ditch her when she calls me from behind the wheel so I don't wind up having to raise the kids alone.
I find myself getting really excited every time this thread is bumped. I guess I like to read all the things these stupid wives do and pretend I never do any of it :-)
who knew, whosehouse is a lesbo:
urban dictionary - RBV:
"An acronym for roast beef vagina."
I think boston and I could have a battle for who says they're tired more often. I'm pretty sure he'd win.Originally Posted by huge
I was kinda ashamed he posted one of mine but given all the ones that have been posted, I feel better.
I've been avoiding this thread because i know that I will suffer for anything posted on it. But I'm navigating the $#@! Creek today without any form of propulsion anyway, so i might as well turn loose.
Over the weekend, I was in Milwaukee and Chicago for a guys' trip to Miller Park and Wrigley. Good trip. Lots of Old Style. Mrs.LL is home with the kid for three days. She's not happy about it. I'm not saying I blame her. The kid's damned tiring. Perhaps one would even characterize him as "EXHAUSTING." I was supposed to get into DFW at 8:00 last night--an event she was obviously looking forward to so that she could once again bask in the warming glow of my majestic aura.
As an aside, I should say that early in the day yesterday, we decided to go to the game at Wrigley. There was just one problem--my flight out of ORD was at 5:30 and it would be a huge pain to go back to our downtown hotel, pick up my bag, and then go back north to ORD. So instead one of the other guys offered to take my bag since he was going to MDW and the hotel was more-or-less on his way to the airport. Good idea, right? It's not like I'm going to need anything in that bag since I'm going straight home. I said "great" and off we went.
Maybe you see where this is going.
I leave Wrigley with the other guy that was on the 5:30 flight at about 4:00. We get to ORD at 4:50--too late for him to check in for the flight. So he has to re-book on the 7:50 flight. But not me. I'm smart enough that I had checked in earlier and had my boarding pass in hand. He's a dumbass--he'll be going two-and-a-half hours later than me. I rock.
So I go over to gate L8 and there's the nice silver 777 sitting there ready for boarding. And it sits there. And sits there. Oh, $#@!. The rolling delay. I love it. It'll be 6:00 before we depart. Then 6:30. Then 8:00. Every time I call Mrs.LL to give her an update, she gets more and more pissed. She's pissed not at AA, but at me. It's somehow my fault the plane's broken. Then I hear that the flights delayed again to 8:00. Not 8:00 PM--8:00 this morning. Furk.
Now Mrs.LL is really rip$#@! pissed. I mean, she's not the one who had to watch her dumb$#@! buddy who didn't check in on time leave hours ago. She's not the one sitting in a $#@!ing hotel by the airport rather than in her own bed. She's not the one wearing yesterday's dirty $#@!ing underwear--and after having sat in the sun for nine innings at Wrigley yesterday, it's pretty $#@!ing dirty--today. But somehow this is my fault and I'm going to be well-and-truly punished for it. FML.
Last edited by Ghost of LL; 08-23-2010 at 02:00 PM.
"Say the last thing first."
After reading this thread, I have been saying this now with varying results. It was pretty effectual the first time or two now she is on to me and I get a dirty look and get ignored for a few.
When wife goes on a trip the kids and I have a blast until the wife comes home and we have a 36 hour war of readjustment.
Last edited by UTEX90; 08-23-2010 at 02:11 PM. Reason: .
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